Jesus Doubted - Day 43*

* I've posted blogs on the Sundays in Lent, so there will be a total of 46 blogs in this series. JWN


“And about three o’clock Jesus cried with a loud voice, ‘Eli, Eli, lema sabach thani?’ that is, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’” (Matthew 27: 46)
I was a senior in college, taking a course in religion (my first one) that was titled, “A seminar on the existence of evil.” One of the constant questions we wrestled with was: “Why do bad things happen to good people?”
One day as we were wrestling with the above question, a woman in the class said, “I have always received great solace that Jesus doubted God’s presence and plan in his life.” I said, “No way that happened.” (I was, frankly, speaking out of turn and out of my expertise or background because I had not read the bible at all.) She said, “He did.” I said, “When?” And she got a bible out of her backpack and read that line from Matthew. I was not embarrassed that she had trumped me. I was not embarrassed because I was so astounded that Jesus had said these words.
That day I went to the bookstore and purchased a bible. I wanted to read the words for myself. I wanted to see what else Jesus had to say.
The fact that Jesus doubted, that he struggled, that he questioned, helped me to believe in Jesus and trust Jesus and get curious about Jesus. The fact that he was that human, that vulnerable, made him so much more accessible and real to me.
At that time in my life I had thought that doubts undermine faith. Not so I found out from Jesus. Doubts and questions and struggles are not the opposite of faith, they are just part of faith and they are just part of being a human being. Sometimes the world doesn’t make much sense. Sometimes our own lives don’t make much sense. Sometimes it is hard to discern where God is or how God acts or why God sometimes doesn’t seem to act. Sometimes we do feel forsaken, all alone, and we question, we doubt whether our faith matters or whether God is there at all. Sometimes we do experience what Jesus felt and questioned and feared on the cross at three o’clock on the afternoon of Good Friday.
During such times let us remember that Jesus, too, questioned God. During such times of doubt and struggle let us remember that Jesus understands where we are, that he doesn’t judge us, and that he is there with us in all of our struggles and doubts. Always.
I am sorry that Jesus went through such pain. And, I am thankful that he did. Thankful because he can now be with us in all that we go through, even our doubts.